The Song Of Wandering Aengus

I first heard this in Equilibrium and really liked it. Although it was only last night I learned that there is more to the poem than I knew.

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
--Yeats

Tiger MMA

Now its three and half days until I head out, 84 hours. The last week my friend Susan came out to visit. I was worried that this close to my departure it would complicate things and take up to much time. The reality was it was exactly what I needed. Time flew by and my mind was free of the thoughts that were keeping me up at night. There isnt that much that I need to do before I headed out. So now everything is taken care off. I am not worried about the upcoming travel. Like the moment before my fight I am not worried any more, just looking forward to my travels. And those travels will first take me to Tiger Muay Thai and MMA,

7/6 Moo 5 Soi Tad-ied, Ao Chalong, Muang, Phuket, Thailand. 83100.

What have I done this last week.
Three days two night on Catalina Island with my mother and Susan. It was a real good time. Snorkeling, kayaking, and mountain biking.
Then the night before Susan headed out we went to see the Guru Jazzmataz show at the El Rey Theatre. The show was awesome. Hour and a forty-five minute set after a pretty good hour by the DJ. Show was definetly worth it.
Tonight I am off to the Hollywood Bowl. Classical music and rich people. Should be tons of fun. But I will do what I can to enjoy it. It will be an experience, that I cant deny.

336

Sunday night.
I find myself lying in bed unable to sleep, again. So I try to rationalize why. That usually helps me to fall asleep. Some quick math. 14 days till I move to Asia. 336 hours. Im not good enough at math to do the minutes (and I don’t really want to). Lying in bed with this sly little smile on my lips. I realize that it is the same smile that comes to face right before I do my walk out into the ring for my fights.
There is sort of a progression before I fight. Leading up, say a week or two I don’t really worry about it. Then starting around weigh-ins I start to think, “Why the fuck am I about to do this.” I know I don’t have to. Maybe I can back out now. I know I won’t. But the thought keeps coming up. Why am I going to step in the ring, how can I get out of this, what the fuck is did I get myself into. The next day some of those thoughts are there but not as strong. I get quiet. I sit by myself, don’t talk much and don’t really want to. Then my hands are wrapped. Its too late to back out now. The fights start. I have to watch the first couple of fights. I like getting things out of the way early but I don’t want to be first.
And then it happens. Right before I am supposed to walk out. Everything is ok. I become calm. More than calm, a little smile creeps up on me. I am not scared anymore just excited, little kid excited. I hear my name I walk out nice and calm, slow, enjoy the crowd, everything.
Right now lying in bed, thinking about why I cant sleep. That same smile comes over me. I know sometime in the next couple of days I am going to be scared again. Worried about the upcoming trip. Wondering why the hell I am moving to China. To teach English of all things, shit I barely speak English. An old saying comes to mind, those who cant do teach and those who cant teach, teach gym. After I think about what I am about to do, about being scared to move and leave everything I know behind, all my friends thousands of miles away. Everything that makes me comfortable out of reach. I realize I am lying here with that sly little smile pursing my lips. Everything is right on track, just where it should be.

PS; Little side note. I went to this benefit for the LA Free Clinic. There was a tarot card reader. She encouraged me to write. Never really have typed or written anything like this before. Feels kinda good to get it out. Helps get my thoughts together. We will see what the future brings, maybe there will be more late night entries. 335 hours.

California

The weather out here is incredible. Sun everyday but not to hot, I think I have only seen clouds three times since I arrived. Kickboxing and pool what more do you need. I have been working my ass off to get ready for Thailand, but I have this feeling that know matter what I do, I am not going to be ready for they do every day. Only two weeks until I head out. Somewhat surreal.